<![CDATA[Las Vegas, Poker & Gambling Forums - News and Information - Jokes and Humor]]> http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/ Share some laughs with WDIAV. Post your jokes and funny situations. Please keep the jokes and stories PG-13. en Sat, 21 Nov 2009 20:23:20 GMT vBulletin 60 http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/images/misc/rss.png <![CDATA[Las Vegas, Poker & Gambling Forums - News and Information - Jokes and Humor]]> http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/ dusted underwear http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/16492-dusted-underwear.html Sat, 21 Nov 2009 00:45:21 GMT One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife,
'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'.
Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let
Such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer.

'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared

When he shook them out. 'Cathy', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'

She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!
 You guys just never learn - do not **** off the woman. ]]> Jokes and Humor BUNK http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/16492-dusted-underwear.html Proud Missourian!!!!!!! http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/16208-proud-missourian.html Tue, 17 Nov 2009 03:42:05 GMT After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, *New York* scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion,... After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion, that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.


Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: 'California archaeologists, finding traces of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.


One week later, The Kansas City Star, a local newspaper in K.C.,MO reported the following: After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Warsaw, MO, Bubba Brown, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, MO. had already gone wireless..

Just makes you proud to be from Missouri !

 ]]> Jokes and Humor tigerlil http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/16208-proud-missourian.html Rules to Live By- 2nd try http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/16203-rules-live-2nd-try.html Tue, 17 Nov 2009 03:00:33 GMT LIFEBOOK 2009 - 2010 Health: 1. Drink plenty of water 2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar 3. Eat... LIFEBOOK 2009 - 2010
Health:

1. Drink plenty of water
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants, and eat less food that
is manufactured in plants
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy
5. Make time for prayer
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2008
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours
10. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day ---- and while you walk, smile

Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey
is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest
your energy in the positive present moment
13. Don't over do; keep your limits
14. Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes
of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply
part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the
lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Community:
25. Call your family often
26. Each day give something good to others
27. Forgive everyone for everything
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day
30. What other people think of you is none of your business
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will.
Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right things
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful
34. GOD heals everything
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up
37. The best is yet to come
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least :

40. Do forward this to everyone you care about . ]]> Jokes and Humor tigerlil http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/16203-rules-live-2nd-try.html Rules to Live By!!!!! http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/16111-rules-live.html Mon, 16 Nov 2009 00:01:28 GMT LIFEBOOK 2009 - 2010 Health: 1. Drink plenty of water 2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar 3. Eat more... LIFEBOOK 2009 - 2010
Health:

1. Drink plenty of water
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants, and eat less food that
is manufactured in plants
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy
5. Make time for prayer
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2008
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours
10. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day ---- and while you walk, smile

Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey
is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest
your energy in the positive present moment
13. Don't over do; keep your limits
14. Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes
of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply
part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the
lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Community:
25. Call your family often
26. Each day give something good to others
27. Forgive everyone for everything
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day
30. What other people think of you is none of your business
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will.
Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right things
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful
34. GOD heals everything
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up
37. The best is yet to come
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least :

40. Do forward this to everyone you care about .





]]> Jokes and Humor tigerlil http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/16111-rules-live.html Pinch My Nipples http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/16109-pinch-my-nipples.html Sun, 15 Nov 2009 20:52:03 GMT A woman went to a Asda Supermarket Customer service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming,



'PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!'

The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager
In front of a growing crowd of customers.

The manager comes to the woman and asks,'Ma'am what's wrong?'


She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams,



'PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!'


Which begins to draw an even bigger crowd!

In shock, the store manager pleads,
'Ma'am, why are you saying that?'


In a huff, the woman says,




'BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE
MY NIPPLES PINCHED
WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED ]]> Jokes and Humor Happyang1 http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/16109-pinch-my-nipples.html Deer Jokes, haha http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/16046-deer-jokes-haha.html Sat, 14 Nov 2009 15:36:56 GMT Being the season for Deer Hunters, here are a few jokes. Why Not to Wear a Deer Suit: Joe and Bubba decide they are gunna get a big buck this... Being the season for Deer Hunters, here are a few jokes.

Why Not to Wear a Deer Suit:

Joe and Bubba decide they are gunna get a big buck this year so they decide to practice early for the upcoming season. Bubba says, "how bout we learn that matin call and wear a doe suit". Joe agrees and they practice until the opener. They go into a field and they zip up their suit. Joe is the head and Bubba is the back. Joe starts calling this big 12 pointer shows up. "oh crap" bubba says, "what is wrong?" "The zipper is stuck, what we gunna do?" Joe says, "I'ma gonna eat grass and bubba you might wanna brace yourself for a big impact!".


What is the defination of a non-typical Whitetail?
One that stays off the Highway!


What is the defination of a workaholic?
One who doesn't hunt.


First Man: Why do you go hunting without bullets?
Second Man Because it's cheaper and the results are the same.


Redneck Hunter: If your favorite color is Mossy Oak.....You might be a Redneck Hunter.


First time I ever heard of DEER hunting, I thought my dad was cheating on my mom.


What did the doe say to the 24 point buck?
Boy your Horny!!!:D


After years of listening to her plead, a hunter finally decides to let his wife go deer hunting with him. He led her into the woods and left her in a blind and instructions on what to do when a deer came within range. He had no sooner arrived at his own blind when he heard a shot coming from his wife's direction.

The first shot was quickly followed by several more shots. He immediately ran back to see what had happened, only to find a man standing in front of his wife with his hands up shouting, "OK lady, its your deer, just let me take the saddle off first!" ]]> Jokes and Humor crazee55 http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/16046-deer-jokes-haha.html hehe http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/15946-hehe.html Thu, 12 Nov 2009 14:35:34 GMT blond jk att. blond jk att.
Attached Images
]]> Jokes and Humor SamNReno http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/15946-hehe.html Awareness Test http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/15903-awareness-test.html Wed, 11 Nov 2009 21:12:38 GMT
Don't worry, it's nothing scary

[youtube]Ahg6qcgoay4[/youtube]
]]> Jokes and Humor floppinthenuts http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/15903-awareness-test.html 2 Statues and the Genie http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/15809-2-statues-genie.html Tue, 10 Nov 2009 03:31:08 GMT One day a Genie wandered through a statue garden and took pity on 2 statues, one male and one female, by granting them one wish. The 2 statues... One day a Genie wandered through a statue garden and took pity on 2 statues, one male and one female, by granting them one wish.

The 2 statues said "We want to be human for 10 minutes"

The Genie said, "of course, in 10 minutes I will come find you."

After the 10 minutes had passed the Genie came looking for them and heard giggling and screams of delight behind the bushes. He pushed aside the bushes and poked his head through.

That's when he saw the Male statue say "ok, now you hold down the pigeons and I'll poop on their head" ]]> Jokes and Humor msuduster http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/15809-2-statues-genie.html The Namesake http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/15663-namesake.html Thu, 05 Nov 2009 20:30:50 GMT A young family was driving up north to spend the holidays together.

The little boy said, "mommy and daddy, how come my name is Leif?"
The dad answered, "well son, when you were born a leaf fell on your head, so we named you Leif"
Then the little girl said "mommy and daddy, how come my name is Rose?"
The mom answered, "well honey, when you were born a rose petal fell on your head so we named you Rose"
Then Cinderblock said "DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" ]]> Jokes and Humor msuduster http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/15663-namesake.html Websites when you need a laugh http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/15216-websites-when-you-need-laugh.html Mon, 26 Oct 2009 14:59:29 GMT Well, not sure how many have been, but a site that goes by f my life . c. o. m. If you need a laugh, go here its a site, where people say talk about... Well, not sure how many have been, but a site that goes by f my life . c. o. m.
If you need a laugh, go here its a site, where people say talk about a problem, mistake, problem that had that day... IT actually is very funny. hope yall enjoy, heres a quick example!

Today, there was an earthquake. Good news: the only damage was a tree fell on some losers car. Bad news: that loser was me. FML
On 10/25/2009 at 11:14pm - misc - by Jo (woman) - United States (California ]]> Jokes and Humor jewbelieve http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/15216-websites-when-you-need-laugh.html Password, duhhhhh http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/15038-password-duhhhhh.html Thu, 22 Oct 2009 00:49:17 GMT password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the > following password: > > >...]]> During a recent
> password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the
> following password:
>
>
> MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy
>
> When asked why
> she used such a big password, she
> said:
>
> "Well,
> DUH!! It has to be at least 8
> characters long."
:) ]]> Jokes and Humor tigerlil http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/15038-password-duhhhhh.html 6 Truths of Life http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/14981-6-truths-life.html Wed, 21 Oct 2009 06:38:38 GMT *6 Truths of Life:* **1. You cannot touch all your top teeth with your tongue. ****2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it. ****3.... 6 Truths of Life:




1. You cannot touch all your top teeth with your tongue.





2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.



3. And discover that the first truth is a lie and feel superior because they can do it.





4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.





5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.





6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.

I apologize about this. BUT
I'm an idiot and I need company.. ]]> Jokes and Humor crazee55 http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/14981-6-truths-life.html Canadian Car Chase http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/14922-canadian-car-chase.html Tue, 20 Oct 2009 02:56:28 GMT My fellow canadians can relate to this video all too well... (Sorry I couldnt edit out the last part QsxV49pmnL8 My fellow canadians can relate to this video all too well...

(Sorry I couldnt edit out the last part

[youtube]QsxV49pmnL8[/youtube] ]]> Jokes and Humor floppinthenuts http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/14922-canadian-car-chase.html H-a-l-l-o-w-e-e-n fun:) http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/14874-h-l-l-o-w-e-e-n-fun.html Mon, 19 Oct 2009 02:29:12 GMT OK SO I should be writing some blogs, but thought I would write this for some fun here .. See what word you can make out of each letter of... OK SO I should be writing some blogs, but thought I would write this for some fun here ..

See what word you can make out of each letter of Halloween..in poker terms;).. ex: H...Hearts.. A..ACE.

Here is my try,lol.. just a little fun for the Halloween season:)

H.........Holdem

A........ Ante

L........ Level

L.........Limp

O........Offsuit

W.......Wheel

E........Early Position

E....... Eight or Better

N........Nuts


Give it a shot, see how you do. Just don't use the same word I did or someone else chose.

Have fun, that is what counts, on and off the tables! ]]> Jokes and Humor crazee55 http://forums.wedoitallvegas.com/jokes-humor/14874-h-l-l-o-w-e-e-n-fun.html